Puns

I love puns. In fact, I am working on a book of puns. So in this thread share what you have!


How did the hacker escape…



I’m not sure, he just ransomware

I've got one that I saw on MLB Network in a documentary about Bob Uecker.

He and Howard Cosell used to call Monday Night Baseball on ABC back in the day and Uecker was the only one who could get away with contradicting Howard because Cosell liked him. So one night they were calling a game and Howard made some remark about the "obvious" strategy one manager should employ and no one knew what the hell Howard was talking about and as usual Uecker called him on it.

Howard, in his usual pedantic manner said "Well young man, you're being quite truculent." Uke said nothing so Howard said "You don't even know what that means do you?" and without missing a beat Uecker said "Sure I do. If you had a truck and you let me borrow it, it would be the truck you lent."

lol!!!

Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died in 1744 aged 43 though his rival Farenheit was convinced he was 109

to both of those!

Two parrots are standing on a perch. One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

lol

onebigfish wrote:

to both of those!

Two parrots are standing on a perch. One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

OK, I must be dumb because I don't get it.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?


They're both cauld ron.

exact33 wrote:

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?


They're both cauld ron.

That's more of a "visual pun"; you almost have to see it spelled out to understand it.

tohostudios wrote:

onebigfish wrote:

to both of those!

Two parrots are standing on a perch. One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

OK, I must be dumb because I don't get it.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perch

Why are cats bad storytellers?



Because they only have one tale.

onebigfish wrote:

tohostudios wrote:

onebigfish wrote:

to both of those!

Two parrots are standing on a perch. One says to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

OK, I must be dumb because I don't get it.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perch

I should've known it was a fish pun.

You know who else collects stuff like this? John Smoltz. Every so often he's on one of the MLB Network shows telling some of his favorites people have sent him.

tohostudios wrote:

You know who else collects stuff like this?  John Smoltz.  Every so often he's on one of the MLB Network shows telling some of his favorites people have sent him.

nice! I love puns. My family on the other hand is less enamored with them....

MLBN/ESPN commentator Matt Vasgersian also loves wordplay so he eggs it on. Next time Smoltz is on I'll have to remember some of the better ones.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?




He couldn't see himself doing it.

Why should you never trust atoms?



They make up everything!

Groan...

Over at HoM somebody posted a video of Spinal Tap's "Big Bottom".  That song has one of the best musical puns I know of:

"Big bottom, big bottom...
 Talk about mudflaps my girl's got 'em.
 Big bottom drives me out of my mind...
 How can I leave this behind?"

C'mon that line is just plain clever.

LOL, it is. I've also never heard of them referred to as "mudflaps" before.

how did the child open his piggy bank?

he beat it cent-less

Hot Stove is talking about favorite trades. Matt Vasgersian picked the trade the Cards made with the Giants in 1985. STL sent 3 players and a player to be named later to SF for Jack Clark. The reason he said it's his favorite? The player to be named later turned out to be shortstop Juan Gonzalez who changed his name to Jose Uribe after the trade thus literally making him the "player to be named later".

how do celebrities keep cool?

They have lots of fans!

Dad jokes?

I no longer joke, at a certain age all of them becomes Dad Jokes. (quiver)

i love dad jokes! I am writing a book of them!

exact33 wrote:

I love puns. In fact, I am working on a book of puns. So in this thread share what you have!


How did the hacker escape…



I’m not sure, he just ransomware

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

lol

Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field.