Depression got me

I didn´t know what happened, or where this came from.
One morning I just couldn´t get out of my bed. Following days I walked like a ghost with no desire to do anything.. to play with my kids, to eat, to take a grap on anything.

Gladly my wife drove me to doctor and forced me to walk in the door.

Diagnosis was: work related stress, burn out and depression.

I have had it for a long time, but I didn´t realize it. Working too much, not much of sleeping.. feeling all the time tired. So long time that I thought it was normal.

Now I´m resting and learning to go to sleep. Not doing work for a long time.

I love my wife, she propably saved my life.

As someone who has suffered from (still do occasionally) depression and anxiety, I can fully relate. I'm glad you have your wife and family, as they can really help you focus. I pray for everything you need to deal with the depression and overcome it.

I suffer from all that too BD and Anxiety I have good and bad days but since no financial relief or vacation (real one) i see no light at the end of my tunnel im glad your wife made you go to the dr. Meds have helped me cope with mine better

Thanks OBF and Addy.

Yes, without a family I would be alone. And I can relate to your point Addy. As a freelancer and entrepreneur my cashflow just dried for some time. I´m glad that I live in a country where state compensates something. And that my wife has permanent job.. Our budget gets smaller now, but we can manage on some level and I can take time to rest and recover.

Doctor strongly recommended me medication, but I didn´t take them, because honestly I´m affraid of medication. I´m affraid of messing my chemistry. This condition comes from too much work... so I took counseling and therapy instead. But I know that for some people the medication is a life saver.

This day has been better. Yesterday was propably the worst day of my life.

I guess it depends on the root, if its psychological then yeah prob better off not taking them , but if its chemical (which i suspect mine is) it helps you cope i know for me it helps but when its very high stress not so much at least maybe it does and i just dont see or feel it....

I take meds. I find it gives me the ability to cope with things and think more rationally and clearly. It certainly isn't a "fix it all". Sometimes meds are necessary, but sometimes a little bit of counseling and lifestyle changes can help. Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or specialist. And by all means, get out fishing.

I´m not against medication. And for Addy, you´re right, if your condition is about chemical unbalance, then the meds are necessary.

And everything that helps out walking your path is good for you.

I´m just affraid of them. I have never used much of medication. I´m trying to go without.

I miss fishing. But thing is that latest fishing trips were work, photographing and videoshooting. And that just reminds me of work.. I´d love to find it as a hobby again.

There's nothing wrong with trying to do it without them at first.

Take some time and go fishing, but leave the camera at home. That's also a good way to catch a really good fish; when you don't have a camera handy.

There is no shame in depression..Glad you are working on getting better..I have seen what depression has done to several family members

I´m not ashamed of it. Like in this forum, it is shared with many. There are fellows suffering of it.
I´m just... wondering how I got into this. What happened? I guess that is the question many asks. It seems to take place in a sudden.

I didnt mean you but it still a secret too many..In this world today i think its going to be more common..I didnt mean to offend you ..

Can certainly sneak up on you.

Eilene1015 wrote:

I didnt mean you but it still a secret too many..In this world today i think its going to be more common..I didnt mean to offend you ..

I wasn´t offended, don´t worry. And you are right. It is a shame to many, and yes I also believe it will be more common in this world where there is no peace no more.

And with a word "peace" I mean that we live in a world where people face more and more pressure from every side: work, family, media overflow with traditional media.. social media.. etc. And everything is faster, you have to adapt things more and more.. and be flexible and multitask.

There is just too much that people can handle. Some survive, some will break. It´s sad actually.

I think depression, and mental illness as a whole, is coming more out in the mainstream as well-known personalities speak out.

I´m back at work. Been writing now, had a photoshoot-session last night.

So far it feels good. These mornings have been good. When the evening lands, I get moody. My wife is a bit of a afraid of our situation.

I feel a little fragile. I think it is good to have my hands at work. But feelings come and go, and I recognice the roller coster, feeling really happy about something but then there is something dark that comes to my mind and I need to... I really need to struggle against it.

Thinking about the medication. Maybe I need it, even though I do not want it. But what is the normal state? Where is the point you just can´t live without them, and where is the state you can handle the swings?

Something great happened today. While living in a heart of the winter I really missed summertime fishing, being alone in the creek. The idea was like great white light. Seeing the water run throught the rocks. Trout somewhere underneath the surface of the water. It was a sign of a healing, like a light in the midst of the dark.

I think that you know you need medication if you are bouncing back and forth so easily and feel fragile, as you say. When suffering from anxiety and depression, we lose the ability to think rationally about things and often believe the thoughts in our heads. Normally those thoughts would be tossed aside with rational thinking, but they become believable when we are in a fragile state.

I encourage you to talk to your doctor or a psychiatrist that can properly manage medication. For me,, I take two different medications. Either way, talk to your doctor and ask lots of questions.

onebigfish wrote:

I encourage you to talk to your doctor or a psychiatrist that can properly manage medication. For me,, I take two different medications. Either way, talk to your doctor and ask lots of questions.

Welcome back OBF!

That´s the thing I´m gonna do. I have a session with my therapist this friday. We´re gonna talk about it. She´s is not a doctor, but we have had a quite good start and she knows a lot of my situtation and my issue.

I´m going to meet a doctor later this month.

Thanks BD.

She might recommend that you see a doctor to talk about the meds. I'm not sure how doctors in the health care system work in Finland, but a psychiatrist would be the best healthcare professional to manage those type of medications.

I want to update a bit.

I´ve seen my therapist regurlarly and met recently psychiatrist and we were talking about medication. She didn´t see any need for them, since the swinging of my moods have been a lot mellower. Still there are days and then there are other days, but according to her they are part of the healing process in my case. There isn´t anything chemically wrong with me, there is just some issues that needs to be taken care of. Therapy is going as planned and we are touching some key-issues. But man, am I tired after a session! Feel like I just want to sleep two days after a meeting.
I am doing work. Slowly, but doing them. My wife has helped me a lot to keep them in hand. I just don´t need going into the abyss of doing work all night and walking like a zombie all days.

Won´t go too deep into details, but I had a troubled youth. My childhood home wasn´t safe. I have carried that insecurity I got from my childhood my whole life and been compensating that with many different ways. Some healthy, some not. We are digging that up in the therapy.

Thanks for support guys, and OBF, thanks for both support and challenging. That medication thing just needed to be talked. I´m happy if I can recover without them, but we had a talk with psych. that if my situation starts go sink, we will get them.

Thanks for the update..I hope you continue to feel better..Glad you got help

BD, I am glad that the therapy and discussions are bringing out key issues. Medication in itself does not solve underlying issues that need to be resolved in other ways. I am very happy that you are discussing them with someone, and I really hope that you will be able to work through them and put them behind you where they belong. Healing from the past is a huge step in the right direction.

onebigfish wrote:

BD, I am glad that the therapy and discussions are bringing out key issues. Medication in itself does not solve underlying issues that need to be resolved in other ways. I am very happy that you are discussing them with someone, and I really hope that you will be able to work through them and put them behind you where they belong. Healing from the past is a huge step in the right direction.

If its chemical it does, I know for me medication helps me deal with issues better than if i wasnt. Doesnt take anything away but it does help me cope and deal.

That's exactly what meds do. That's what they help me with as well.

What I was getting at was if there are underlying issues, such as abuse, trauma, and so on, from person's past, then meds don't solve those issues. Meds help only if there is a chemical imbalance.

onebigfish wrote:

That's exactly what meds do. That's what they help me with as well.

What I was getting at was if there are underlying issues, such as abuse, trauma, and so on, from person's past, then meds don't solve those issues. Meds help only if there is a chemical imbalance.

Yes. Meds are good if you cannot go without them and/or they help you to go through your daily life.

In my case they propably don´t help. I admit, that I have been anti-meds person to myself. I admit that I have always had a fear how they would affect to me being me. But last time I met psychiatrist I asked that should I take medication. And if she would have recommended meds, I would have taken them.

I have been in psychotherapy ten years ago. And I thought that I have solved the issues. But I have realized now how easy it is to cheat yourself. I have things to be solved. And I´m doing it now in therapy.

The thing that I can admit of having a problem helps me to go through my days. It´s like opening the curtains and letting the light in.

I think you are taking the right path. I'm hoping you are able to solve things for good this time.

Nothing worse than always being in a battle inside your head

This hasnt been a good couple weeks for me, not sure if its depression i think some of it is, but mostly its excessive stress and no outlet to vent the anger/frustration that builds so easily when im at work

I have been feeling that way lately as well. Very up and down.

One of our techs has been out over 2 weeks which means im now doing his job and not mine its hard supporting 6 bldgs and 600 people with just one or two other people. I know the tech has been very sick so i cant fault him but seriously its carrying over into everything else. Thankfully coming home alot of it washes away (until im back to work) but I need a break from everything i Need more than just a day off.

That sounds like a pretty heavy load. I'm glad you can at least shed some of it when you get home.

I know its sounds corny but is there any Yoga or exercise you can do to help alittle to you get home..